He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We just shotgunned beers for America
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
