just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
