I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
