Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
two words: eviction party
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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