Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
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she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
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Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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