You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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