so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
you made out with another girl for some wings
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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