where does the pee come out of this thing
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
