Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
