I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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