Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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