somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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