He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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