new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
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