carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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