So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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