we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
