oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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