last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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