Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
