Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
