I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now