i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day