u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
try lime green
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?