This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
