Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
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His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
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Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV