i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?