She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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