dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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