i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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