ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
