I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I intend to get homeless drunk
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
