If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
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