Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
