My underwear smells like fireworks.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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