too bad you live with your parents still
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
