so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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