He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize