You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
