I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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