is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
