You're a womanizer and a bitch.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
