He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
