I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
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Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize