my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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