You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
