I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
