you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
