You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
