Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize