I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
