I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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