he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
