I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
