If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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