I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
