The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
