Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize