I look better un-naked...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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