Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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