Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
A bitchslap is in order.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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