apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize