quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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