Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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