Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
