I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
