Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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