O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
