in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
