You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
