At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize