you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
