On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
