Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
