I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
