No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
