oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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