But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
