I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
