I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
