I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
