I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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