found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
ttyl tear gas
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
