It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
