Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
