Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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