before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
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2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
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Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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