i can't believe i had my finger in that
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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