I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I need a beard to bite.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
