Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
