would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
