my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
