I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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