he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
