the condom got lost in my hair
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
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Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
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Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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