I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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